Like many high school seniors, I spent the tail end of my summer writing the most well-known part of the college application process, the personal essay. Personal essays are often thought to be where you just dump all your issues and problems onto the paper, but that’s not true. Admissions teams don’t want to hear a poorly written sob story but rather a well-written essay where you use your full writing potential to connect your life stories to where you are planning to end up. When writing mine, I used several different themes and ideas to structure my life events. It wasn’t until one random night that I got the inspiration for my essay, so if you’re struggling don’t worry–inspiration will strike eventually!
When it comes to words, their phrases and meanings become jumbled when people don’t think intentionally about their use. Often, a phrase goes viral for a meaning it doesn’t naturally have because that’s the way slang works; people take an already-defined word and change the meaning. For example, words like “slay” and “tea” have almost completely lost their original meanings in today’s society. It is a double-edged sword; every slight gain is also a loss of meaning. I’m not holier than thou though, I am just as susceptible as the next person. It’s harmless until the word loses all sense of its natural meaning. Every word means something and can affect one’s identity.
I’ve come to this understanding due to a friend–ripping off a Modern Family quote–telling me “used to” was the saddest two words in the English language, and I refuted it saying “he’s dead” is the saddest. It wasn’t an argument, but still, I felt I was the correct party. The words “he’s dead” reverberate through my mind and rewound my soul. “He’s dead” was the phrase that changed my whole world, yet the person tried telling me “used to” was sadder? Upon a closer view, I now admit used to is the sadder of the two, albeit not alone. “Used to” placed in front of or behind another word can incite dual meanings. While “used to” on its own isn’t inherently sad, it can add a depth of sadness to otherwise normal words since “used to” can symbolize loss.
There have been so many instances in my life where “used to” has ultimately caused significant change. Returning to my refutation, “he’s dead” can also mean used to be alive. He used to be my person. He used to anchor me to this world and give me the will to move forward. He used to be my whole world. He used to be my grandfather. But now he’s gone. Now my grandfather isn’t the first and certainly not the last of the people that the phrase used to be alive will apply to, but he is by far the most significant case of the usage to me.
People are obviously not the only things that used to be. Items expire and lose their value over time as people grow and change. I used to have a Leap Pad that I loved and played with daily, I used to have a house that I lived in with my parents, I used to have a Cancer zodiac sign mug, I used to have many things that have been lost to the traps of time. The loss of items doesn’t necessarily hurt like the loss of people, but sometimes losing an item hurts equally, like when I used to have a necklace my stepdad gave me promising to be my dad, and because I was 8 and clumsy misplaced it forever.
“Used to” doesn’t have to be pinned down to a sad connotation because it can also symbolize positive change. I used to hate the idea of school, dreading the day I would return to the halls filled with seemingly longtime strangers. I used to attend a completely different school from the time I was 5 to the end of 9th grade. I used to hate playing sports and the people who play them. I was adopted in August meaning I used to have a stepdad.
When society uses a word too frequently it becomes muddled and loses significance. So do the items, and even people sometimes, that we hold dear. It’s because we start to like new things as we grow and develop further into who we are; different outlooks form. I’ve grown so much in these last few years all due to these things that I used to use to define myself; even with their loss of worth over time at one point, they were something.
